Wow,it has been a long time.Nearly 3 years since i last wrote anything here,it gives me a sense of nostalgia whenever i read my previous posts,flashbacks of those times run through my mind as i begin to type these words.I can't believe it has been 3 years since i began to take charge of the house.From the house mortgage,to bills and house necessities,all things big and small were mainly under my jurisdiction.In 3 years i have learned valuable life lessons,one has which taught me never to stray too far from the sidewalks.2011 is the year in which i would never forget.I vividly remember how it felt like to be betrayed,the feeling is indeed worth remembering as i may never trust someone so much again.
On a brighter note,I did achieve what i set out to do in 2011.At last,i got my O level cert.I have to admit,it was indeed a miracle that i manage to pass all subjects,including maths.In 2012 i manage to secure a job at one of the local telco companies,although currently i am quite sick of the job and i can't wait to leave the place,but it will have to wait.Not until when i get my diploma in mass communications,Then am i able to leave.With what i have achieved today,I owe it to a bunch of unique people.But sadly,all good things must come to an end.
They are/were my friends.We have been trolling around for nearly a decade.From school uniforms to office wear,we were together.Being the youngest at the age of 14,I did not know how to interact with people older than I was.I was actually quite a timid boy who didn't spoke much in my secondary school days.Maybe it was due to the fact that i was a victim of constant bullying in my primary school days.I experienced first hand how cruel this world could be if you lost your mother at such a young age.Frequent taunts by a classmate of mine was a norm for me.And i was too afraid to speak up as i feared my form teacher as well.Sad to say,I could not turn to my dad as i loathed him for being a compulsive gambler.Anyways,The oldest in the group was 5 years older than me,and boy,was he tall.
The fact that they smoke did not help loosen my anxiety,Most of the time i kept quiet.watching them and laughing along with them.The oldest of them being the most hilarious of them all.For the first time in my life,i felt wanted.I was happy that i wasn't being treated like an outcast just because of my family.Although i did not participate much in the conversations and activities due to my shy nature at that time,they knew i was a part of them.I was a quiet boy till i went into NS,I began to laugh more and participate more in the activities.However cracks began to appear in the friendship and i was worried that the group may be split into two.But thankfully,we manage to put aside our differences and we sat down and talked it out.I was glad that it turned out well.Soon,i began to feel that they were more like family than friends,Whatever trouble i had they learned to listen to me,i was thankful that there were people whom i called friends that would listen to me.
When tragedy struck in 2010,I was worried,Yes i loathed him.But he was still my father.And the thought of taking over the house and shouldering the responsibility just added to my worries.But my friends were there for me despite me almost falling into depression.I threw tantrums occasionally and i was paranoid.But they stood firmly by my side till the inevitable passing of my dad.It is a day in which i would never forget.It is because of them that i felt that there was indeed hope in this world and that it is not as hard as i expected it to be.For that i am eternally grateful.
But,everything has a downside,including friendships.When you hang out together for several years,you start to realize the gaps between you and them.At first you might be able to ignore it.But subsequently,when the gap becomes a gaping hole,there is no way in hell you could have missed that.Your words start to fall on deaf ears,and they don't tell you much in return.Not because you are not trusted,but because you would't be able to understand because it is not what you are interested in,and vice versa.It is not because we are not willing to hear each other out,but it's because we don't see the point to tell each other because we would not be able to understand each other thoroughly.I began to loose communication with my friends,I lost connectivity with them,especially the oldest of them all.We used to communicate perfectly,i am sure he felt it as well,therefore we met less often as to reduce the awkwardness.Sad but true,i felt that i am beginning to lose touch with my friends.
Our differences are just too big to be ignored.In every single aspect,we are different,even right down to the food we eat,the topics we talk about.And when you interest do not align,your opinions doesn't matter.An empty promise sent out a clear picture to me that it is time to move on.I really do not blame anyone for this as it was only my fault for expecting too much.And yes,there were more happier times than sad ones.Up till now i still remember that as if it just happened yesterday.Classics like how she walked with a slouch and how we both laughed our heads off.Or how an adoring mother calls out her son's name from the second floor.Or how she can't swim backstroke as people might think it is a shark.Yao ming yao ming.The pranks i used to play on you guys,trolling her on facebook with chinese words,making you hold my pillow,telling you that you have found a job.ALL THESE still put a smile on my face,even right now,as i am typing these words.
But ultimately,I know that this isn't my place as i do NOT have anything in common.And it's getting harder and harder to communicate with you guys.And I am sure you guys will do just fine without the irritating one ever again =).These memories i will carry it to my grave with me.But yes,If you ever do need someone and there is no one else for you,I will still be here.And i will come if you need me.
In our daily struggle for perfection,we must never forget how simple life is,if we want it to be
