The land of Smiles

Bangkok. Truly it is renowned for it's reputation as a city full of hustle and bustle.Not to mention the horrible traffic and the dusty streets.When i was in Thailand i told myself that i would learn to appreciate the traffic in Singapore more often.As someone who really hates waiting, Life would be much easier if i told myself this more often.As we were in the capital of thailand,I would say that shopping was on everyone's mind. Clearly as you can see this was the result of all the shopping i did in Thailand." Shop till you drop" was on my mind on the entire second day.I really needed some shopping therapy. Shopping itself was indeed the best way to relax my mind

The trip started with everyone being tired and cranky as we didn't sleep the entire day the day before our trip.Sore backs, necks and whatever have you were part and parcel of the trip.we did a lot of walking. Fortunately,we had a very nice and cosy service apartment to retreat and recuperate every night. Our service apartment was really lovely, I'm sorry that I did not take any pictures of it

Shopping was mostly what we did throughout the entire trip.I guess everyone just can't resist the cheap deals at Platinum mall.It's just so worthwhile to shop in thailand.All my berms and shirts didnt cost more than $15 a piece.It's a steal comparing the prices in singapore.

And i have to thank my dear friend Adah(birthday girl) for making this trip possible.You have no idea how much i needed a break from all the bullshit that's circling me.It's also another very unforgettable memory that i will carry with me to my grave. =).I hope you enjoyed the trip as much as i did.And that you had an unforgettable 27th birthday with everyone.I hope you enjoyed the lighter as well.Happy Birthday Adah!!

I wish that we could do this more often,Another land another story,that's what a holiday means to me.

If only everyday was sunday

If only everyday was sunday =).. yes..How great would that be,I still wish that i didn't have these problems bugging me,But i have to learn not to keep thinking about them.We are all still learning,And i do not think,instead i know that learning to be positive is a very essential skill in life.I am still mastering it,No doubt it includes plenty of determination and courage.And there will be trials every now and then,But i still have to wake up every morning and sleep every night.Life still goes on.I hope from now on things will start to shape up for me.Please do,cause it's about time.

There is no such thing as a bad day,it's only that we take the bad moments with us throughout the day,That's what we humans call a "bad day"

Sigh......

Sigh..and the last thing anyone should be thinking about me is that i am jealous..which i am definitely NOT!..why should i?..think about it......Sigh

Mommy!

Tomorrow is a hectic day for me.First to law firm,then to bishan and then to CPF board and then hunting for cameras.Finally i can get the letter of administration.It makes my life easier.Waited so long for this.Mom's birthday is tommorrow. =).Happy birthday Mom!..wish i could say it to u in person.really exhausted since yesterday.Had breakfast,lunch,dinner and supper with the guys yesterday..Whoo!..damn awesome and tiring..though everyone was tired and pissed yesterday but we still managed to scrape through.I really am AMAZED at myself for waking up at 6.30 am in the morning and then queing up from 9am to 6pm to watch K-pop concert.Which i am honestly not quite intrested.Haha.but never mind,never been to a concert before and since everyone will be there,I just hope to join in the fun ba.Although i hope i will be able to book out during my reservist date.Getting a camera for thailand soon.Hope to get some cheap deals.i dont ask for much.Just lightweight and portable and more than 10 mp should do the trick.


Lastly,Just lost something very very valuable to me today..Sigh..Of all things why did i lose it..really spoiled my day..hopefully it will return to me someday..

My new friend

A PICTURE PAINTS A THOUSAND WORDS


I wanted to feel the wind of marina barrage again.So i went up to the 8th floor and stood by the corridor,Cigratte in my right hand,Handphone on my left.I am tired,Physically and mentally.I felt like the kites i saw at barrage.Some unknown person is controlling me.Lurking in the shadows,I feel ive lost my mojo.I feel i wont be the same as i were before.I feel i can never laugh again.I DONT feel myself anymore.I miss everything i had before just 6 months back.Its amazing what 6 months can do to u.It totally flips the table on u.And now...Ive lost everything.Some were beyond my control,but some were due to the fact that i couldnt control my damn emotions.I have destroyed my only salvation with my own 2 hands.


I know everyone is sick and tired of me whining.I am allright...yeah i am ok...is that what everyone wants to hear?..everyone thinks im being crazy....with that final thought i turned around,letting the substance made of 1% water but 99% feelings run free from me.everyday i feel as if i am inching towards the reset button...slowly...but surely

Game over

When i woke up this morning,I felt a plunging feeling in my heart.I took a deep breath before the plunge and got outta my bed.I sat on my bed for awhile.Thinking to myself,What have you done aaron chong??...Why are u such an idiot?..Why do u have to make a fool outta yourself??..Isn't it obvious enough?..u already know the reason why a long time ago..and yet u still press on?..Can you just control your emotions?..Its not doing you any good.I want to RIP....I really wanna rip out ALL...All these unwanted and troublesome feelings and emotions that i have.I want to break out.I want to tear,rip,grind,whatever means neccasary for it to go.But like my shadow,it follows me wherever i go,whatever i do.I am at my wits end already.I really wanna get rid of these feelings so badly that im willing to end it all..If not for 2 people relying on me i would have done so long ago..Maybe..just maybe i should take them along with me and leave this place of suffering



Sometimes i wonder,Why do people have it while i dont?.I see it every sunday,I see it in their eyes.How much they receive,While i lost mine 14 years ago.What is that??...Something which makes me wanna press the reset button so badly.

Loss and Comfort

Suddenly have the so much feelings penned up in me.The intention to write it all down just came to me.So here goes.

For the past week,mixed feelings can be felt throughout the week.Grief,Lost,Alone,Burdened,Comfort,Happiness,Nervous,Blissful.I was...never really a master of my emotions.Always letting my emotions and feelings getting a better of me.Maybe thats why i tend to lose out in life.Always thinking emotionally and never logically.Although he didnt really played his role well.But nevertheless I do feel grief and sorrow when he left me on monday.I wasnt really close to him knowing his deeds throughout his life repeating his mistakes again and again despite him going through painfel lessons in his life.But as i flipped through the Photo albums on a sleepless monday night.I realised that Hey..this Guy was once my father who taught me how to swim.Im trying to think here what else he taught me.Sad to say that is the only thing i can remember him ever teaching me.But there was one priceless lesson he taught me even after his passing,and that is all parents love their children no matter what,even no matter what the son/daughter do or did,In the eyes of the parents you are and always will be the apple of their eye.And i do believe that he cared for me even though he didnt really showed it to me.Maybe i and him were alike in a way,we both dont really know how to express ourselves.Or we were too shy about it.I do miss his presence in the house,Knowing his seating positions and where he will be at certain times of the day makes me look in that direction every now and then.Sometimes secretly hoping to catch a glimpse of him.Scary yes indeed.But deep down i only want him tell me "dont smoke so much" one last time.Sometimes...I wonder why did both my parents leave me..their son to fend for myself and take responsibilty for the family?.. Honestly i am not mentally prepared to go through such a task.I really really do need my mum and dad to guide me at this stage.Although i hardly have any recollections of my mum cause she passed when i was only 8.Its hard to imagine what she would say to me at this point in my life.But i would be really be contented to hear her call my name just once.ONCE.and its enough.I guess from here on its up to me.Leading the charge,And i am really thankful that i have a group of tightly knitted and wonderful friends.Although i am real sorry about throwing tantrums now and then but they still stuck with me through thick and thin.Despite my awful tantrums they stayed with me till the very end.Although i do not have parents but i have friends.. and it brings comfort to me knowing that i have them.Cheers guys!....



Maybe the stress and the feeling of being lost has motivated me to finally get the courage to make a move.I like her.I like her very much since She did something 6 months back that really made me see her in a diffrent light.But...the truth is i am and never will be good enough for her.All i can do is watch over her from afar.I regret.I really regretted not holding her tightly in my arms when she cried,Although i really wanted to hold her tightly and letting her know that i was there,But i couldnt.Instead i was shy and bashful.Letting small things like thinking how others would react or how she would react.It really makes me feel ashamed of myself.Now..what i can do is despite her stress level at work i would really love to see her smile.What i wouldnt give to see her face when she first opened it.Haha.It must have been quite a sight =).She keeps things to herself which i normally do,But only she is better at it than i.Sometimes i wish she would open up more.Not exactly to me.although i hope she does.but to anyone else as well.at least people know what is bothering her.Sometimes i wish things werent so awkward between us despite her knowing it.Or maybe its me thats making things awkward...Honestly i do not know.Haha.Sad to say that i only have the courage to speak freely when i SMS her.but quite demoralising to know that she wants to sleep everytime when we are smsing..-_-"...haha...But..Seriously..i know she is diffrent from any other girls outside and she really made me see her in a diffrent light.emotionally i sometimes wish that things were better between us but logically things are nice and fine now.Hope i dont do something embarassing.i finally feel better after writing down all these true feelings ive felt for the past week.Thank u all for reading.=D..goodnite!

My name is Pain

Next week is the week which will change the course of my life forever.A question which i cannot bring myself to ask,I really cannot bring myself to ask him.I really do not know how to.Its way too cruel for a son to be asking his father.No matter what the father did in his life.But ultimately i would hold his hand and look in his eyes and ask him.Its way way too cruel and emotional even for a guy like me to handle.Im afraid my dad would take it wrong and hate me for it.But i do not want to see him suffer.Its very painful to see your own father suffer like that.Its very painful to see your dad once a well-built man turn to skin and bones with tubes stuck all over him.And i can feel the pain whenever he speaks to me.I feel even more for my grandma.An old frail lady wishing that she was the one lying on the hospital bed instead of my dad.It really pains me to the core seeing her cry like that.In all my 22 years this is the first time ive seen her cry.And it really hurts to see the person who brought u up cry like that infront of u.My worst fear now is that when the day comes she might not be able to take it.Thats my worst fear now.And i wont be able to take another heavier blow this time.My heart cannot take a blow like this.it just cant.That would definitely be the end of the littlefighter.

The Pursuit of Happines is the root of all problems

Happiness..Does everyone on this earth really believe the equation of happiness is money times money times money equal to happiness?.. Well to me maybe in ancient rome or greek yes maybe.Money or coins as were their currency of ancient greek and italy would buy them happiness i believe.Why?..u ask?..Slavery.I do not mean slaves can make u happy.what i would rather highlight on is PEOPLE.To me true happiness lies in people.But first you must be accepted by others in order to find happiness.Sometimes i wonder,Its not the things you do for them that will define you being accepted by others.Rather,its in your laws of attraction or chemistry between people that makes u favoured by others.Its in the small things that people do to prove whether you are favoured by others.I'm sure people out there have encountered this kind of experience that i'm mentioning now.Its just that we have always turned a blind eye to it.And i find myself asking why is that so?.Not that i'm being negative.But someway or another i find that looks and Charisma plays a very important role in society.Sometimes you try to find your voice in a group but all u found was just people turning a deaf ear on you or people just entertaining you by either nodding their heads or saying i understand i understand.They are not really intrested to hear 15 minutes of your sad story.Because it might dampen their spirits for the day or just spoil their mood.It's in their eyes when you talk to them.Opinions aren't really heard as well,If an opinion is given by you.its either brushed off or thinking it might be rubbish.And to top it off you might get a Rude reply for giving your honest opinion.Maybe im putting too much thought into it,But with every ounce of faith that i have that are left in me i sincerly hope that i'm wrong